Desolation Row

The many trails left behind are mostly saturated with regret, the kind that uses you up til you're exhausted and numb, the one that has splintered you so badly.

You drown yourself in guilt and misery while fighting your way out of the situation. Painfully, you realize that you have slowly been punishing yourself with the thoughtless decisions you have ever come up with. Why would you have wanted something that you know was way beyond you? But then, you realize this too late.

You have been cruel, not only to yourself, but most especially to the ones who have been nothing but good to you. As you think of this, you close your eyes and shake your head in despair. How could you have made such a colossal mistake?

You try to feel good about yourself and things in general. You try to do good. You try to be good. You do other things. You try to enjoy what's there to enjoy. In the end, you still find yourself not moving even an inch away from where you are. How frustrating. You lock yourself up once more in your own little world up there in your cranium.

No matter how much you try to mask what you don't want others to see, it breaks out of you, one way or another. You pretend and convince yourself, hoping that soon, it would be the real thing. Blindly, you go about things. You know you have been missing a lot. You know this is your fault.

Two things come to you: You think of undoing your mistakes. You think of just pushing through with the circumstances, hoping it'll end real soon.

You talk yourself into doing the first one, but you've grown too scared to ever start doing something again.

Oh no. You're in deep sh*t.

Another one bites the dust

I was sad when I woke up this morning from a dream that I have to write my thoughts down or I'll just think about this throughout the day.

Okay, there are 2 people involved, let's call them B1 and B2.

Both are pretty close to me. In my dream, they were set to go somewhere and there I was, just watching them at the airport. I'm not sure if they can see me, though. B1 was on a wheelchair, but I did not find this surprising in any way. Seeing B1 like that kind of pained me. B2 carried B1 into the plane. People were saying their goodbyes and I felt uncomfortable.

I turned around when I decided that I couldn't see them anymore from where I stand. I met some familiar faces and one of them seemed to know my history with B1. Well, that surprised me. She sort of convinced me to go after them and guess what? I found myself running like crazy a few minutes before the plane takes off.

When I finally had a good view, I realized my feet won't allow me to come any closer. I saw B2 and immediately waved at him. B2 saw me and waved back. I felt a smarting pain when I didn't see B1. Desperately, I scanned the windows and saw the person, finally. B1 was sitting comfortably on a window seat at the rear end of the plane.

I felt heavy as the engine roared to life. It finally took off. It grew even worse when they completely disappeared from my view. I did not shed a tear, I just felt very miserable for not seeing B1 for the very last time.

I checked my phone as I headed out of the airport. B1 left me a message. It was a 2-liner and the message pretty much defined that person. Just when I finished reading it, I was awakened by the familiar sound of my phone. That annoyed me because I was supposed to reread the message in that dream. What 's even more vexing was I completely forgot the words when I started recalling them. Argh.

And that ends it. I feel a little better now, but there's still the taste of misery.
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I found out about the untimely passing of the King of Pop through an office friend. According to reports, he succumbed to a heart attack.

Earlier today, I found out from another office friend that actress Farrah Fawcett already died due to anal cancer.

Wow. Yun lang.
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BTW, it's my dad's birthday.

Happy 63rd, Pa.

Charade

Uh-oh. Someone's out to analyze me.

Feigning indifference,
claiming innocence.
Put up a show of courage,
be a prey to its bondage.

Faking acceptance,
get caught in a trance.
Neither awake nor asleep,
you fall into deep.

A grim mockery of bliss,
you bend the truth as you please.
Thousand lies you weave
leave nothing but grief.

Cruel winter amid summer,
Slowly, you wither.
Adroitly avoid the snare,
the utmost sea of despair.

The Waiting Game

Blurring the lines of sanity,
waste time with uncertainty.
With senses paralyzed,
lay like a victim of a heist.

That visage, mirrored by frailty,
moves me mysteriously.
Wishing to be the comfort,
I know no threshold.

With Fear to vanquish,
choose to battle or relinquish.
Forget victory or defeat,
drown to the unending beat.

Taking things as they are,
you look from afar.
Cast the light on these eyes,
or spell out demise.

Proceed with Caution

"...because the world breeds mistrust." - Naiya Laike

Proceed with Caution

Proceed with caution
for you don't know their intention.
Yield not to your emotion
for it's the best option.

Cunning minds on the loose,
reason, you have to use.
Who to trust, you should choose,
motives need to be perused

Some are unpredictable;
watch as they unfold a spectacle:
behold a debacle
where circumstances are terrible.

Trust with a limitation;
you'll end up not disillusioned.
Persevere through the confusion,
proceed with caution